The “Bathroom Debate” in the Words of Detransitioned People

1. A Painful Trade-off: Women’s Safety vs. Trans Comfort
Detransitioned women and men describe the public-restroom conflict as a “lesser-of-two-evils” choice. They say that opening women’s toilets, locker-rooms and spas to anyone who says “I identify as female” creates space for predators, while acknowledging that restrictive laws can hurt innocent, non-conforming people. “It is one of those really sucky situations … if you don’t have the ban, many more women and girls will be hurt … This is actually a question of ‘Lesser of two evils’.” – TheDorkyDane source [citation:42c1fc74-8af6-4431-9415-d8538ce5cd49]

2. Concrete Stories of Abuse that Shaped Their View
They point to real incidents: a mother at a Los Angeles spa who was told staff “must protect her gender identity” when a naked adult male entered the women’s changing area; the reported rape in an all-gender toilet in Leicester; and the fear generated when “fully grown men … just have to claim they are trans” to watch girls undress. These stories convince them that self-declaration is too easy to exploit. “There HAVE been plenty of stories of actual predators who use this trans activism to get what they want.” – TheDorkyDane source [citation:61345daa-d28f-4588-9018-10619edd57bc]

3. A Willingness to Be Inconvenienced for Girls’ Sake
Several detrans women say they themselves do not always “pass” as female, yet they accept being questioned or embarrassed so that daughters and nieces do not have to undress beside adult males. “As someone who doesn’t always ‘pass’ … if I have to be occasionally inconvenienced and embarrassed, I would gladly make this sacrifice.” – L82Desist source [citation:6562ac15-1497-4239-8792-04c4190639e3]

4. A Practical Compromise: Single-Stall, Unisex or Family Rooms
Almost every speaker endorses adding more single-stall, fully enclosed or family toilets as the least hurtful fix. They note, however, that some activists reject this compromise because it denies them the social affirmation of being explicitly welcomed into the women’s room. “More unisex single-stall or family bathrooms should be made available … But [some] get really upset about this.” – Acceptable_Most_2305 source [citation:e4b1555b-b802-4437-9bb6-128be78997f0]

5. Enforcement as a Legal Tool, Not a Daily Police Action
They stress that bathroom bills are not about arresting every gender-nonconforming person; they are about giving women legal standing when someone is clearly male and behaving inappropriately. If a trans person truly passes and minds their own business, they say, the issue rarely arises. “If the person actually truly passes, isn’t making a scene … it shouldn’t matter … Why would someone call the cops on someone who passes and is minding their business? It doesn’t happen!” – Antiquatedfish source [citation:dc5ba61b-1eac-4937-9ed7-58d57b3684c9]

Conclusion: Choosing Compassionate Boundaries
These detrans voices do not deny that restrictive rules can sting; they simply believe girls and women deserve a place where they can undress or attend to bodily needs without fear. Their shared hope is for more single-stall options and clearer rules, so that no one—trans, detrans, or simply gender non-conforming—has to choose between safety and dignity.