The silence of suicide hides many regret stories
Several detransitioners say the starkest reason we rarely hear “I wish I hadn’t done it” is that the people who feel that way are no longer alive. One man who stopped identifying as trans explains: “A lot of trans people regret their decision. So why don’t we hear more of these stories? Because they’ve committed suicide. There’s been a couple people on this subreddit who are no longer here.” – [deleted] source [citation:2826e346-aadd-4ef0-b5d5-49e3d8b74253] When suicide is the outcome, the public never gets to learn what went wrong, so the “happily-ever-after” tale keeps circulating unchallenged.
The real pain is often inside, not outside
People who feel worse after surgery rarely blame bullying alone. Instead, they describe waking up to the fact that their body has been permanently altered and their original distress is still there—sometimes sharper than before. One woman puts it plainly: “I believe the true main cause [of post-surgical suicide] is realizing they have horrifically mutilated their bodies and the depression has not been cured.” – Remainselusive source [citation:5dfd7fcf-d85d-4e40-8039-bd7c9aa28a7b] This internal shock—seeing one’s own changed anatomy while feelings remain unchanged—can feel more unbearable than any social rejection.
Self-blame adds a second layer of suffering
Many who regret transition turn the anger inward. They tell themselves they should have known better, even though they were often affirmed by adults, doctors, or online communities. A young man who had bottom surgery writes: “I fucked up really hard and I’m the only one to blame. I was stupid and delusional about the whole trans stuff.” – throwawayac101010 source [citation:99644b0d-c22b-4221-8a19-18c1e79fe953] Carrying both bodily regret and harsh self-judgment can make speaking out feel impossible, so the story stays private—and the silence deepens.
A false promise of the “perfect body” sets people up for despair
Several accounts say they were guided by the hope that medical steps would give them a body that felt “right” and, in turn, automatic social acceptance. When reality falls short, the let-down is crushing: “One of the biggest lies being pushed on trans people is that somehow their ideas and fantasies of becoming the opposite sex will align perfectly and they will be 100% accepted by society in their new perfect body.” – [deleted] source [citation:2826e346-aadd-4ef0-b5d5-49e3d8b74253] Believing that surgery is a guaranteed path to happiness can make any later regret feel like a personal failure rather than a predictable medical risk.
If you are questioning your gender, remember that feelings of discomfort do not require permanent body changes. The stories above show that distress can persist—or worsen—when the underlying emotional needs are not addressed first. Exploring non-medical support such as therapy, creative outlets, or simply embracing gender non-conformity (dressing, speaking, and living in ways that feel authentic without hormones or surgery) can ease pain without risking irreversible steps. Your body is not the enemy; the rigid boxes that say “you must look this way to be okay” are. Give yourself permission to experiment safely, talk openly, and keep your future options open. Healing begins with understanding, not with a scalpel.