What is misgendering?
Misgendering is when someone is referred to with words (pronouns, titles, or descriptions) that do not match their biological sex. From the detransitioned perspective, it is often experienced as being called “he” when you are female or “she” when you are male.
How detransitioned people experience it
- Feeling invalidated: “Being misgendered after detransitioning fucking sucks because it feels like being called a liar for just living as your sex.” – Lurkersquid source [citation:109fa080-96ce-4f25-82c6-ba9497e135d6]
- Exhaustion from appearance policing: Many describe how short hair or a deep voice still triggers “he,” making past efforts to bind or dress a certain way feel pointless.
- Strangers vs. acquaintances: Some strangers misgender out of mistaken politeness (assuming the person is trans and trying to be considerate), while former friends who knew them as trans sometimes continue using old pronouns, which feels like disrespect.
Coping strategies
- Gentle correction: A simple “I’m actually a woman/man” without dwelling on pronouns keeps the moment low-key.
- Letting it slide: Some choose not to correct every instance, believing others are entitled to their perceptions.
- Reframing motives: Recognizing that many misgenderings are accidental or based on visual cues rather than malice reduces emotional sting.
Key takeaway
Misgendering, from the detransitioned view, is less about personal identity and more about how rigid gender appearance norms lead others to make snap judgments. Detransitioned individuals find peace by correcting kindly when they wish, letting go when they don’t, and understanding that the problem lies with societal stereotypes, not with their own bodies.