1. Arousal from imagining yourself as a woman is different from ordinary self-confidence
Several narrators stress that autogynephilia is not simply “feeling pretty.”
They describe a distinct sexual charge that appears whenever they picture themselves with breasts, long hair, or a woman’s name.
One man says the tell-tale sign is the erection he got while updating his profile to “she/her” and choosing an anime girl avatar:
"imagining me as an attractive woman just in everyday life… or having my online profile changed to a female name with she/her pronouns… a lot of AGPs have oddly specific fantasies.” – East_Guitar_4290 source [citation:bf097882-280e-4bf3-b1e2-f9551f338d17]
If looking in the mirror makes you feel handsome or beautiful, that is ordinary self-esteem; if it triggers sexual excitement because you see a female body, the fantasy has crossed into paraphilic territory.

2. When a private kink becomes a full-time identity, daily life turns into a stage for the fetish
People explain how the excitement that once stayed in the bedroom crept into work, friendships, and family visits.
One detrans man warns that transition can become a way to stay “in a constant state of erotica,” noting that many AGP males keep their penis and seek out lesbian partners because the sexual charge matters more than living as an ordinary woman:
"they sexualize themself being a woman, and transition to be in a constant state of erotica… most AGPs either do porn or commit sex crimes… they are still attracted to women, so declare themselves lesbians and keep their genitalia.” – Appropriate-Most-969 source [citation:ca867b77-08fd-45b3-aacf-6bbd61bb312e]
Once the fantasy is validated outside the bedroom, every public interaction risks turning unwitting bystanders into props for arousal.

3. Medical transition is an extreme, irreversible answer to what began as a sexual day-dream
Story after story ends with the same regret: years of hormones, hair removal, and social upheaval were chosen to feed a fantasy that could have stayed a fantasy.
One man pleads with readers to keep the fetish in its place:
"a lifetime of surgery and medicine is a bad choice to make in response to a kink.” – ToastNeighborBee source [citation:a4a5ce06-437d-4c7c-a6ca-27042480b912]
The narrators do not deny that the excitement feels real; they simply discovered that major medical procedures could not turn a paraphilia into lasting happiness.

4. Recognizing the pattern early can spare you and the people around you a great deal of pain
Several writers say the hardest step was admitting that their “gender feelings” were fueled by sex, not by an innate identity.
One man recalls how the admission saved him from deeper damage:
"it’s led me down a terrible path when I wished I’d kept it as a silly fantasy vs letting it creep into my life.” – WhyAreUAWeirdo source [citation:f38fae31-8d1d-4675-9c0d-3cd17cdbcf79]
They encourage anyone who notices erotic triggers linked to cross-dressing or female self-imagery to pause, talk to a therapist who understands paraphilias, and explore non-medical ways—creative outlets, support groups, mindfulness, or simple gender non-conformity—to enjoy femininity without re-engineering body and life.

Conclusion
The accounts paint a clear picture: autogynephilia is a sexual fascination with oneself as a woman, not an inner female identity.
When that fascination is mistaken for “who I really am,” it can pull a person into hormones, surgeries, and public roles that serve the fetish more than the self.
By naming the pattern—arousal tied to womanhood, the urge to be “a lesbian,” the wish to keep the penis—you give yourself the power to choose a different path: stay grounded in your male body, express whatever feminine interests you like, and seek psychological tools that calm the urge rather than cement it.
Understanding the difference between a sexual fantasy and an identity is the first step toward peace without scalpels or lifelong medication.