What “deadnaming” means and why it hurts
In transgender circles, “deadnaming” is the act of calling someone by the name they were given at birth after they have adopted a new name that aligns with a different gender identity. The word itself comes from the idea that the former self must be symbolically “killed.” One detransitioned woman explains, “‘Deadname’ is such a silly term. It’s used in the trans community because so many people try and ‘kill’ their former selves during transition… Your ‘deadname’ is simply just your old name and there’s nothing wrong with it at all.” – Hedera_Thorn source [citation:602a5600-bb70-4e5c-bb62-87b08b641382]. For many who later detransition, hearing their birth name labeled “dead” deepens feelings of loss and self-rejection.

The emotional toll on detransitioners
When people step away from a trans identity, the birth name often feels like a lost part of themselves rather than something “dead.” One woman recalls, “I was losing my mind with missing it and all the layers of convincing myself I couldn’t go back to it… It hurt a lot more to believe that I transitioned too far away from it.” – Sad_Jellyfish_3454 source [citation:e8c22fcb-dea4-4c00-af8e-7ce646fe9e35]. Reclaiming the name becomes an act of healing, described by another as “coming home… like being pulled out of a dream” – babewithp0wer source [citation:1ce5e6c7-81c5-4cb4-9e76-bf40f42bce3c]. The label “deadname,” they say, prolonged the dissociation they were trying to undo.

Pain felt by parents and families
Parents often experience the term as a second bereavement. One detransitioner notes, “when [parents] hear terms like ‘deadname’ it just adds to the feeling that… their child has died” – Hedera_Thorn source [citation:602a5600-bb70-4e5c-bb62-87b08b641382]. Because the birth name was lovingly chosen, treating it as “dead” can widen the rift between family members and the person transitioning, making later reconciliation harder.

Finding a way forward without new labels
Some detransitioners experiment with nicknames, middle names, or shortened forms of their trans name before returning to the original. Others simply stop the cycle of renaming altogether. One woman writes, “I didn’t want to have to decide on another name again… It felt good to just go back to my given name” – [deleted] source [citation:02785080-5fd1-4d2f-ace0-770ba3b80c3e]. The common thread is a desire to ground identity in personal history rather than in ever-shifting gender expectations.

Conclusion
The stories show that names carry deep emotional weight and that labeling a birth name “dead” can intensify pain for both the individual and their loved ones. Healing often begins when people give themselves permission to reclaim their full history—including the name they were born with—without shame. By embracing gender non-conformity and rejecting rigid roles, anyone can find authenticity without needing to erase or medicalize any part of who they are.