Feeling “bad” for being a boy
Several men who later detransitioned say their dysphoria began with a simple, repeated message: “boys are trouble, girls are good.” One man remembers the women who ran his day-care calling the boys “disgusting little creatures” while praising the girls as “darling little angels.” “They treated me like a disgusting little creature for being a boy… society and the way I was raised led to me resenting being male due to misandry.” – Shiro_L source [citation:c8d7eb43-b5a1-4a6f-b4d1-704d62560ffc] Over time this praise-vs-punishment split convinced them that simply being male was shameful, and that crossing to the “girl side” would make them safe, clean, even moral.

When abuse wears a gendered face
For others, the wound was sharper: they were singled out for violence because they were boys. One contributor describes living with an abusive mother and her friends who “specifically targeted boys.” “It was her hatred of males that made me feel like if I had been born a girl instead, I would have been safe from her abuse… suddenly I was ‘disgusting’ and ‘shameful’ for being a gender-non-conforming boy.” – HeForeverBleeds source [citation:55fdd537-0cc4-4af9-875e-4d670c95a576] When the people who hurt you keep saying “I hate males,” the mind can latch onto the idea that escaping maleness is the only escape from pain.

Turning self-hatred into a “plan”
Once the belief “males = bad” is internalized, transition can feel like joining the winning team. “I was so much diabolizing mens and idealizing womens; for me becoming a girl was like becoming more pure and switching to the good-guys side.” – -MtFtM- source [citation:75b17b3d-dea9-45ea-8027-65ddd88f4ecf] This is not a sudden revelation; it is a slow psychological bargain: “If I can’t be good as a boy, maybe I can be good as a girl.” The decision to transition, then, is sometimes less about an innate identity and more about fleeing an identity that was framed as dangerous or defective.

Un-learning: finding the good in men, then in yourself
Detransitioners who have made peace with their bodies describe the same core task: replace the old tape with a new one that allows men to be gentle, beautiful, trustworthy. “I had to find the beauty in men that I saw in women… recognizing that the same things I saw in women—admiration, empathy, beauty, love—were also available to me directly was a huge part of the healing process.” – cranberry_snacks source [citation:0951e7c9-8f78-4b85-b037-5fe47fd05ada] Therapy, journaling, supportive friendships, and simply meeting kind men let them question the “all males are bad” story and rebuild self-worth without changing their bodies.

You are not broken, the story is
Internalized misandry teaches that being male is a flaw; gender ideology offers a medical fix for a social wound. These accounts show the wound can heal through self-understanding, not self-erasure. When you see that the problem was never your body but the cruel story attached to it, you can trade shame for curiosity, self-loathing for self-expression, and step into the freedom of gender non-conformity—no hormones or surgery required. The path forward is to rewrite the script: boys and men can be gentle, girls and women can be strong, and everyone deserves safety without having to disappear.