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how do i tell my family i'm detransitioning?


Questions and answers for people who are questioning their gender identity.


Reassure them first.
"I told my family one by longer so that I could answer their questions individually and make sure they were seen and heard... I told everyone within a week, because I knew they might need to sit with each other and no one should have to keep the 'secret', waiting for me to come out to everyone." – 974713privacyname source [citation:2f8af5ea-c87e-4325-ad66-8f2e583821ce]

Start with a small, concrete step.
"I told my family that I don't like the changes testosterone did to me... I said I want to go off T... giving hints is a right thing to do if you're scared to talk." – thistle_ev source [citation:fad9498f-6263-4760-9ce6-307540860b95]

Tell them it’s not their fault.
"My mother was very upset, and she wondered if there was anything she could possibly have done to 'save me' from this. I told her that there wasn't... that she did not need to suffer regretting something that couldn't be undone." – 974713privacyname source [citation:2f8af5ea-c87e-4325-ad66-8f2e583821ce]

Let them feel their relief.
"They were all very happy for me, and I actually think they are all a bit relieved. :)" – kaldoreii source [citation:c55654f7-eb7c-4c88-930d-dc13249ff298]

Give permission to slip up.
"I want you to call me that from now on, but if you mess up, it's ok and I understand. No harm done." – kaldoreii source [citation:c55654f7-eb7c-4c88-930d-dc13249ff298]

Use a trusted relative as a messenger.
"My granny... immediately understood everything and told my grandfather and my mom so I didn't have to do that myself." – thistle_ev source [citation:fad9498f-6263-4760-9ce6-307540860b95]

Keep the wording simple.
"I did just say, 'I don't think I'm a man anymore' or 'I'm not trans anymore.' Didn't need to be more complex than that. They got it." – 974713privacyname source [citation:2f8af5ea-c87e-4325-ad66-8f2e583821ce]

Frame it as a positive step.
"Focus not on how messed up it all is... They need to hear that this is a good thing." – DetraBlues source [citation:e489945c-e2b9-48f3-8e4b-7962e5e10a7b]

End with hope.
"I know for sure it was a relief for her to get back the child she had raised, as much as it was a relief for me to be myself again." – MythicalDawn source [citation:62011b8c-4da0-4418-9fe5-1726d9ff3ff6]

Most families met the news with relief, not anger. By giving them a clear, gentle script—starting with stopping hormones, claiming your birth name, and reassuring them mistakes are okay—you let everyone breathe again.

The truth is that gender non-conformity will set us all free!

More questions related to "how do i tell my family i'm detransitioning?"


Top Picks

Some great starter questions to ask detrans people...

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What's an egg?

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Is gender a social construct?

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I didn't choose to be trans!

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What is a belief system?

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What is an identity trap?

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How can I get out of an identity trap?

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How can I help someone else get out of an identity trap?

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What is the difference between sex and gender?

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How is cancel culture harmful?

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Does transition ever end?

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Why do some women hate their breasts?

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How do online echo chambers cause psychosis?

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Why do detrans voices get silenced?

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Is gender ideology at odds with the goals of feminism?

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What are the main reasons that women adpot trans identity?

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What are the main reasons that men adopt trans identity?

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How do non-binary identities re-inforce sexist stereotypes and roles?

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Why do people identify vaguely as queer now?

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How does LGB differ from the T?

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Is there a link between autism and transgender identity?

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Is gender-affirming care based on science?

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Why is gender-affirming care currently considered the only solution to dysphoria?

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Is academic research on trans and gender topics biased?

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Is teaching gender ideology to kids progressive?

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Is gender ideology fuelling a culture war?

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Is the culture war preventing humanity from solving real problems?

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Why do some refer to gender ideology as a mind virus?

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Why are the rates of people who identify as trans increasing?

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Is the trans suicide rate possibly mis-represented?

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Why do some trans people say 'death before detransition'?

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Why is gender dysphoria no longer treated as a mental health issue?

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Why are there so many ladyboys in Thailand?

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Why is Iran a global hub for transgender surgeries?

General Terms

Understanding the fundamental concepts

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What is a man?

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What is a woman?

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What is gender?

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What's an egg?

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What are pronouns?

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What are trans rights?

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What is cancel culture?

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What is dysphoria?

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What causes dysphoria?

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What is the gender dysphoria bible?

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How can I overcome dysphoria?

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What is transgender identity?

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What is transphobia?

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What is non-binary identity?

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What is queer identity?

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What is personality?

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What is gender non-conformity (GNC)?

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What is detransitioning?

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What is desisting?

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Are intersex people trans?

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What is gender fluidity?

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What does AFAB/AMAB mean?

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What is a TERF?

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What is deadnaming?

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What is misgendering?

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What is a cisgender person?

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What is biological sex?

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What is social transition vs medical transition?

The Medical Reality

Health, procedures, and biological truths

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Can humans change sex?

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What are the health risks of hormones?

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Should I get off hormones?

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What is vaginoplasty?

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What is phalloplasty?

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Can I undo phalloplasty?

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Can I undo vaginoplasty?

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Should everyone else have to pay for transgender surgeries?

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I had a double masectomy, should I get breast implants?

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Should I get facial reconstruction surgery?

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Why are hormones often prescribed before a single therapy session?

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What is the science behind gender affirming care?

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Does unrestricted access to hormones and surgeries provide good outcomes?

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What are puberty blockers and are they reversible?

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What happened to the light in my eyes?

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What are the long-term effects of cross-sex hormones?

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What are the WPATH Standards of Care?

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Are the WPATH Standards of Care based on science?

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What is the Dutch Protocol?

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What is rapid-onset gender dysphoria (ROGD)?

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What are the regret rates for gender surgeries?

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What is gender exploratory therapy?

Society & Culture

How gender beleif systems affects us all

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What are the transition rates for men vs women?

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Why is the trans suicide rate so high?

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Is being trans a mental illness?

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Is the trans suicide rate mis-represented?

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What does it mean to be gender critical?

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Do suicides based on regret get blamed on social acceptance?

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How does the trans community use mantras?

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Does the trans community encourage suicide?

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Does society believe that gender is a social construct?

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Does gender ideology affect society?

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What's the difference between being a tomboy and transgender?

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Are there male brains and female brains?

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Where did the term gender come from?

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Why are autistic people overrepresented in the trans community?

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How is gender ideology at odds with homosexual identities?

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How is gender ideology at odds with heterosexual identities?

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Did gender activists hijack the gay rights movement?

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How is gender ideology at odds with the goals of feminism?

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Is it beneficial to teach the idea that you can change sex to children?

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Do children ever grow up to regret transitioning at such a young age?

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What are the effects the transgender movement has on our wider society?

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Is gender ideology fuelling a culture war?

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Does transgender ideology contradict itself?

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Why are so many people identifying as trans or non-binary now? Is it a trend?

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Is it common for friends of trans people to become trans too?

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What is the bathroom debate about?

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What are trans rights vs women's rights conflicts?

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What is the sports participation controversy?

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What is the medicalization of gender non-conforming children?

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What is the history of trans activism?

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What do detrans people think about drag queen story hours?

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What is the difference between gender and sex?

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Why are there so many ladyboys in Thailand?

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Why is Iran a global hub for transgender surgeries?

Psychology & Identity

Understanding the mental and emotional aspects

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What is internalised misogyny?

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What is internalised misandry?

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What is internalised homophobia?

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What is autogynephilia?

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What is gender euphoria?

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What is a belief system?

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What is an identity trap?

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Does transition ever end?

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What is body dysmorphia vs gender dysphoria?

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What is the role of social media in trans identification?

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What is the impact of pornography on gender identity?

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What is the impact of trauma on gender identity?

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Are trans people living authentically?

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Can you be a woman if you're not 'feminine'?

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Can you be a man if you're not 'masculine'?

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Why do some women hate their breasts?

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What is the neurochemical cycle of validation?

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What causes some gender non-conforming people to adopt trans identity?

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Do some homosexual people transition to get access to heterosexual people?

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How do I know if I have internalised a victim mentality?

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Why do some people think that trans identity is a choice?

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What are a persons options with how they deal with dysphoria?

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What are the stages that lead to an obsession with 'passing'?

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What are the Jungian perspectives on transgender identity?

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What role do the anima and animus play in transgender identity?

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What unconcious shadows are playing out in people who transition?

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What is shadow work?

The Detransition Journey

Healing, support, and finding your way back

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Am I a failure if I detransition?

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How can I help someone who believes they were born in the wrong body?

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I want to detransition, where do I start?

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How did I fall into an identity trap in the first place?

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How can I get out of an identity trap?

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How can understanding the struggles of the other sex help me heal?

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What is gender exploratory therapy?

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What is CBT therapy?

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What is DBT therapy?

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How can I make peace with the changes I have made to my body?

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How can I learn to love myself and my unique personality, and find my inner peace?

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Why do trans people encourage other trans people not to read detransition stories?

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Why do detrans people get silenced from trans communities and wider society?

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Why do trans people tell detransitioners that they have internalised transphobia?

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How can I help others question the validity of their transgender identity?

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I think my friends will 'cancel' me for detransitioning!

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How do I find a therapist who supports detransition?

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How can I find a gender exploratory therapist?

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How do I tell my family I'm detransitioning?

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What support groups exist for detransitioners?

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How do I deal with shame about detransitioning?

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How do I rebuild my life after detransition?

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What are the stages of grief in detransition?

Academic & Research Bias

Questioning the narrative in institutions

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Is academic research on trans and gender topics biased?

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Why is it so hard to find a gender critical therapist?

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Why was gender dysphoria removed from list of mental health disorders?

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What is the Cass Review?

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What happened to Lisa Littman's research?

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What are the methodological flaws in the 2015 detransition survey?

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Why are detransition studies so controversial?

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What is the Tavistock scandal?

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Why are researchers afraid to study detransition?

The Controversial Truth

Detrans perspectives that gender activists really don't want you to hear

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Why do some people call the trans movement a cult?

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Why do some people call the trans movement a mind virus?

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Are gender beliefs similar to religious beliefs?

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What is the connection between trans activism and pharmaceutical companies?

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Is there a financial incentive to promote transition?

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Why are detransitioners silenced in mainstream media?

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What is the role of schools in promoting gender ideology?

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Are parents being replaced by the state when it comes to gender decisions?